Friday, March 9, 2012

Putting it all out there...

So one of the blogs I read quite frequently is Cup of Jo and I just love reading her posts about motherhood and life in general. Recently she posted about being real. It was a moving post and it's prompting me to do the same. I'll warn you that this will probably be long and all over the place but ahhh it will feel good.

I once had my mother say to me that I've had it easy, that I got lucky with much of what I do or have done...she thinks it's luck, apparently all the hard work I've done since I was a kid has some how gone unnoticed. I haven't asked for every thing to be handed to me. I've set goaIs and worked hard for them.

The summer between sophomore and junior years in high school I decided I wanted to go to college. I changed my entire class schedule and buckled down and worked hard to raise my GPA and I went to college. Also during that time I started working a part time job, only during the summer, but since then and up until November 2011 I've always had a job. In fact at one point I was working and finishing my bachelors degree, which isn't unusual for a lot of people and I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. I've also worked three part time jobs on several occasions to keep myself afloat. I've, also, been so sick and with out health insurance several times.

And I've done plenty of stupid stuff, like racked up credit card debt, and dated a**holes, so I guess you could say luck was in play when I met my husband. I'm also lucky that we have the girl, she is a gift...that occasionally makes me crazy, but a gift just the same.

Let me say it feels weird, disconcerting (is that the right word?) not to be working, but the husbands work/travel schedule and the girls schedule do not make it conducive for me to have any type of a job. So I'm dealing with it...

I see my bachelors degree languishing and fear that when I do want to go back to work I'll be unemployable. Having gone from a project manager, to an admin, to a nail tech, then stay at home mom. How's that for a blow to the self esteem.

So all that hard work is just luck, I guess...

This may not seem like me putting it out there, but there is more to come. This one just seemed to flow about this.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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